Bottleneck
I don’t know about you, but I can get it into my head that I need to finish one thing before I can let myself do another.
It’s not quite at the level of “finish your greens before you can have dessert,” but, as I sit and write this, I’m aware that it isn’t totally dissimilar, either.
It’s the little nubbly edge of friction as I think to myself, “I’ll just finish X,” (99% of the time, at my laptop), “before I make a cup of tea/lunch/dinner.” And then I look up, and another twenty minutes have gone by.
It’s there when I survey my to-do list and realise that it’s full of work or life admin tasks, and doesn’t have anything fun or creative mentioned.
It’s there when I feel the overwhelming urge to go for a lie-down due to my chronic fatigue syndrome, and I choose to attend an online meeting anyway.
Most recently, it’s held up this blog post (and its accompanying newsletter) because I had a project I wanted to complete and include in the latter (a freebie video course called The People Pleaser’s First Aid Kit, which will be here .. eventually).
I felt stressed yet unmotivated for most of this month, pressured by my own deadlines and expectations, when I realised that I’d become “stuck” on the idea of getting the project finished before I could write here.
It had become what Bill Burnett and Dave Evans talk about in one of my favourite books, Designing Your Life: Build the perfect career, step by step (I much preferred its old subtitle, “Build a life that works for you”, btw), an “Anchor problem”: a fixation on one perfect solution that keeps us stuck in one place and prevents us from moving forward.
I think we all have a tendency to get stuck on “one” solution to a problem at times. We get attached to the first answer we think of, invest in a belief about how something “should” look, feel, or be, or find ourselves unable to even imagine other possibilities, solutions, or outcomes. We humans are naturally loss-averse, and I know how hard it’s been to let go of ideas or hopes around certain people, situations, or aspects of myself over the years.
It’s probably why I try to develop psychological flexibility through Acceptance and Commitment Training, to help me notice where my head’s at, what I’m resisting, and what thoughts or beliefs I’m gripping onto.
But there’s also an undercurrent of self-denial here. The kind that keeps certain clothes for “best” and resists using “the good china” (not that I have any, to speak of). Life is short, though, and pleasure or self-care can be an act of rebellion against the idea that our value comes from being productive.
Let’s face it, I’m long past the tipping point in my 4,000 weeks. If not now, when?
Ultimately, I have limited energy to do All of The Things, and that to-do list is never going to be completed. So striking the balance between conscientiousness and nurturing my needs may well be an ongoing dance.
But at least I recognised the bottle-neck I created through my own thinking, and found the shift in perspective to release it.
And finally wrote this damn blog post.
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Photo by Alexander Grey: https://www.pexels.com/photo/assorted-color-translucent-glass-containers-1148450/
