How you do one thing is how you do everything
I’m currently taking a week off and, left to my own devices and without a lot on my mind, I’ve gravitated towards sewing. Specifically, dressmaking.
It’s a lifelong hobby of mine. I remember picking up a length of peach and blue floral-print jersey from a remnant basket (look, it was the 80s and I was a teenager - beggars can’t be choosers) and turning it into a boxy top and matching elastic-waisted skirt.
(I’m now prioritising elasticated waistbands again; am I conceding my age or coming full circle? Discuss…)
I’m currently working my way through three different reflection guides at once: Seamwork’s Style Workshop, their Design Your Wardrobe programme, and Annie Ridout’s “7-day dream life plan” in the current issue of Psychologies magazine, adapted from her book Raise Your SQ: Transform Your Life With Spiritual Intelligence.
(Yes, this is the sort of thing I do when I say I’m not doing anything…)
The exercises call for me to take stock, notice what inspires me, and dream. As I work my way through them, two things jump out at me:
I dream pretty small. One life plan exercise is the equivalent of a ‘letter to Santa’. My answers are mostly about continuing with what I have or only making a modest change.*
When it comes to getting dressed, what I wear most regularly is based on what’s easiest, and it tends to be plain and dark.
The latter realisation depressed me. No wonder I felt listless when I got dressed; one of my core desired feelings (h/t Danielle LaPorte) is to feel “inspired”, and stuff has been feeling bleurgh of late. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why, though.
It wasn’t until I remembered author Anuschka Rees’ decade-old blog about capsule wardrobes and her different methods for building them that it clicked into place.
While she talks about modular, uniform, and set outfit approaches, what really struck me this time around was the combination of basics + statement pieces, expanded to include “mid-range” items:
Basics are foundational, plain, and go with or under other items. Can easily be boring on their own.
Statement pieces are eye-catching, memorable, and often elicit an emotional response.
Mid-range strikes a balance between the two: elevated basics that add a little more care and flair.
As I jotted down and explored the items of clothing I wear the most, almost all of them came up as ‘basics’. It’s like eating brown rice for every meal; sure, it’s healthy, but no wonder I got bored.
It has also reminded me of the three kinds of days Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan talk about in their book, 10X is Easier Than 2X: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More by Doing Less: Free days, Focus days, and Buffer days.
Focus days are when you’re doing what you do best, in your zone of genius.
Free days are when you kick back and rest, so you have the space to dream and be inspired.
Buffer days are filled with tasks that enable the other two days, which means they are full of basic maintenance tasks.
It feels like I’m mostly in Buffer Day territory - getting on with stuff that’s easiest to do because it’s necessary for day-to-day living and habitual. To translate it into capsule-wardrobe-speak, my days tend to be pretty basic.
Which has brought home to me something I’ve heard author of Untamed: Stop Pleasing, Start Living, Glennon Doyle, mention in at least one of her podcasts, when she spoke about how her eating disorder shows up in other areas of her life: how we do one thing is how we do everything.
For her, she realised that how she controlled and restricted her calories also showed up in how she starved herself of friendship and restricted herself to just a couple of people in her life. For me, doubting whether I have a right to exist can show up in feeling like a burden if I ask to someone to prioritise spending time with me, or if I’m discussing the disability support needs I have so I can attend an event.
My friend, the coach Chris Kenworthy, who has trained in Authentic Relating, mentioned that they call this kind of behaviour a hologram as every piece contains the whole.
Reflecting on how I do things, the assumptions they’re based on, and the patterns I unconsciously repeat is equal parts sobering, enlightening, and empowering.
It reminds me of how fundamental awareness is - we can’t change what we don’t know about - and that, if how we do one thing is a reflection of how we do everything, that changing one thing can also impact everything. A small intentional adjustment in one area can have a much wider positive impact in our lives.
I also understand even more deeply why Sullivan and Hardy recommend at least 150 Free Days a year, and why David Hieatt of The Do Lectures calls taking one day off a week as the “missing lesson” for greater productivity and reduced burnout. Having the space this week to quietly yet actively reflect has helped me make some unexpected connections for myself (come on, you didn’t expect me to tie together capsule wardrobes and productivity quite like this, right?)
(I also know that it’s a privilege to have the space to reflect in a society that places the burden of self-care on individuals rather than addressing systemic and societal issues. We can’t all take even one day off, let alone one a week, let alone 150 days a year.)
After some very stormy months, this has all knitted itself together (sorry) to help me recognise the need for more intentional ‘statement pieces’ in my life - both literal and metaphorical. To add more brightness, more colour, more fun. Oh, and if I’m going to rely on my basics, ensuring that they’re ones I love. Attention is the most basic form of love, whether it’s towards a person or a polo-neck.
If how you do one thing is how you do everything, what’s the one thing you do that’s a microcosm of how you do everything?
Is it plating too much food at the buffet, and stuffing your diary so that you have no free time? Is it not looking at the instruction manuals, and refusing to ask for help when you’re struggling with your mental health? Is it ignoring how you feel, and buying someone another drink when they’ve said they about to leave?
And how could changing one thing change everything for you?
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Photo by Markus Winkler: https://www.pexels.com/photo/clothes-hanging-on-the-rack-3925956/
* This is why I read 10X is Easier Than 2X - I clearly need to think bigger!
